does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
