I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize