i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
