2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
