i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
