I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
