so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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