goodnight i made you a song goodbye
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
