So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
