I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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