I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize