it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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