i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
