Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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