she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
