He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
