remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
