I'm gonna have a badass scar
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
