I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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