I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
