dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I forget how to act sober
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
