So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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