some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
