there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize