Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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