Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
