listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
