I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
