I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
