living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
