If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
