just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
