At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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