I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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