At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
