It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize