people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
