i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
