i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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