What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
