I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
