by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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