I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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