it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
