do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
