Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
