Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
