I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My dick has a subreddit
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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