Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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