the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
