You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
