it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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