and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
