We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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