Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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