i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
