ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
