how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
