I love black thongs
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
