Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
