if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
