i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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