dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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