I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
