sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
