There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
