I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This house was built for laser tag.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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